Sqeaks and gurgles.

I haven't had a drink in seven days. Now for most of your 'normals' out there who find daily existence tolerable without the rose coloured glasses created by a few litres of wine, I bet that sounds like nothing. For people like me, it sucks. I have certainly not abstained all this time for no reason though. I have done it (begrudgingly) because alcohol thins the blood and I can't have thin blood tomorrow when I drive to North York to get  my chest fillet'd and stuffed with round bags of gel, for which I have paid handsomely.

I'm getting a little nervous now that the day is so near, but that apprehension is mixed with a lot of excitement that I finally quit bitching about how flat chested I am and decided to (wo)man-up and do something about it.

Either way I'm about as prepared as you can get. 

It is my inherent nature as a journalist to research the shit out of everyone and everything in my life. If information is a drug then I am a degenerate addict. I know exactly which items I'll need at arm's length during the first 48 or so hours to ensure that my discomfort is kept to a minimum. I have lip balm, moisutizer, pre-selected books, magazines, movies, pillows galore, comfy slippers and  loose fitting silk (front button) pjs. I have people to help me up and to the bathroom where t.p. is stacked right next to the can - plus hair ties, soft food, a thermometer and frozen peas for ice packs. Oh yah, and we mustn't forget the selction of pharmacueticals I'll be prescribed to make the world all fluffy and pink.

In addition to all this, I have thoroughly educated myself on some things to expect from recovery. The list of lovely reactions I can (and will) enjoy include, but are not limited to:

 

- nausea                                          

- swelling  

- pain  

- bruising     

- difficulty sleeping (from the pain) 

- mood swings (from pain meds)                                          

- innablity to properly bathe for approx. 5 days (eeeew)

- loss of sensitivity (temporary...phew)

- over-sensitivity (a.k.a nippons)

- squeaks and gurgles.... UMMMM SORRY?

"Do not be alarmed if you hear gurgling, buzzing, or crackling noises coming from your augmented breasts. These noises may result from fluid build-up or air bubbles within the implant pocket."        

www.breastimplants4u.com

That's right kiddies. It is not uncommon for your newbies to make noise as they settle.... sorta like a new house. Amazing.

So, there you have it! Isn't this fun? You probably won't see any posts from me for a few days. I doubt I'll be ranting on here or creeping my 'friends' on facebook or even touching my laptop at all in the beginning, but I promise to post about the outcome of this surgical adventure just as soon as possible.

You know, just in case anyone is reading this.