My humps.

Psssssst.

Now that we’re friends I think I want to tell you a little secret. Make sure nobody is listening….ok….you ready? Here it comes……

I’m getting a boob job.

Now before you go telling me that I look fab just the way I am and that plastic surgery is for strippers please hear me out.  Some girls hate their crooked noses and others despise their Oprah arms. There are redhead girls covered in freckles who aren’t too crazy about the hand they were dealt and there are even girls with an affliction quite the opposite of mine, who actually have mammaries so robust that they get in the way.  We all have something that we would like to fix.

I have always been self-conscious about lack of endowment, not because I want to look like Pamela or because I think that getting stared at is some kind of validation. And trust me, if there was an exercise you could do or a food you could eat to convince a post-pubescent body to sprout breasts, I would have them by now. It just doesn’t work that way.

 I just want to buy a bikini without first checking to see that it is sufficiently padded. I want to wear a strapless dress without a strapless bra. I just want boobs. Not huge boobs, just boobs. And now I’m getting what I want through the miracle of modern medicine.  Brilliant.



I'll be kissing my AA-cup goodbye



My boyfriend (bless his heart) is taking a whole week off work to ‘take care of me’. He has a weak stomach and I’m pretty sure there’s going to be some icky bandage changing involved so it might actually be comical (for me) in addition to being intensely painful.  He was wary of the whole process at first, but is becoming increasingly excited at the prospect of fondling me post-op.



I have had other women reply with everything from “I went to work the next day” to “I couldn’t f***ing move for two weeks” when asked about recovery. I’m in decent shape and don’t smoke I’m hoping my experience is more like anonymous quote #1.

BooB countdown: B-minus 09 DAYS